Counseling Blog

Family plays a significant role in mental health. Healthy family relationships are characterised by emotionally available, understanding and supportive connections – a safe space where one can feel a sense of love, acceptance and belonging. This way of relating helps to foster emotional intelligence including a greater awareness and understanding of and ability to communicate about of oneself, emotions, as well as the capacity to show empathy for others. Learning from other family members’ skills and behaviours help to build one’s own coping resources. Having strong and consistent emotional support also facilitates resilience building – learning to face and deal with life challenges. Ongoing conflict or a hostile environment in a family, instability and lack of feeling accepted and understood can have the opposite, negative impact on mental well-being. Whilst adults can also be affected by a challenging family environment, resulting in increased stress, anxiety and depression, children are the most vulnerable in these circumstances and their distress may be expressed in indirect ways such as regression in behaviour, academic difficulties, trouble with sleep, irritable mood, fear, sadness and lack of interest in activities etc. Here are some key tools to foster better family relationships: Prioritize open communication – make regular time to check in with each other by asking open ended questions such as “What was the highlight of your day?”, “What are you enjoying/finding most challenging about school right now?” Practice active listening, that is, listening to understand not to respond. Hold a posture of curiosity rather than judgement being keen to learn more about the other person’s perspective rather than being quick to offer your own opinions. Create a safe and supportive environment – let family members know that it is acceptable to talk about any and all topics without fear. Allow space for feelings to be expressed and build trust through affirmation and validation. Criticism or dismissing emotions leads to a breach of trust and safety. Have fun together – engaging in activities that are enjoyable or trying new experiences together help to build positive connections. Try a family activity jar where everyone puts in suggestions and each family member gets to a turn to pick an option out of the jar. Model healthy coping – ensure that adults demonstrate healthy ways of managing stress, emotions and relationship challenges such as physical movement, relaxation, mindfulness techniques. Children learn what they observe. Ensure healthy lifestyle practices such as adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, and limited screen time. Lifestyle routines go a long way towards regulating emotions, mood and behaviour and set a stable foundation for optimal mental health. If you are struggling with ongoing family challenges, consider family therapy. It can be a helpful step to facilitate better communication, resolve conflicts and address unhealthy relationship dynamics. For more information and guidance, you can reach out to Claudette Jordan at info@counselingperspective.com

We all know the term ‘family matters’, which has direct and indirect interpretations, but who knew that long term impact of that phrase and that family, as in our ancestral lineage going back generations, can have direct impact on the current lives we are living and impacting our relationships in the now. Some would disagree but scientists studying epigenetics and/or transgenerational trauma are finding reason to believe the children and grandchildren of the holocaust survivors, for example, can exhibit symptoms similar to PTSD. The premise is that trauma can be passed through genetic, environmental, social avenues, and the family mythology, even two generations later. It is often recognized in a subtle or profound ways, which can show up in our inherent attitudes or personalities traits or in our unconscious thoughts and behaviors and limiting beliefs. Personal Mythology is one of the ways we explore these realms, by exploring the narratives that shape our lives and guide our decisions. Sometimes these mythologies are a powerful force driving a person into a successful life. Often these stories are outdated and unnecessary to carrying forward into the next generations. Family Constellations is another approach to uncovering these outdated patters and poltergeists from the past. It was created by Bert Hellinger and seeks to recognize ancestral trauma, through the patterns or obstacles which are showing up in the current life experience. The goal is to resolve those old conflicts and wounds of the past through a loving and purposeful ritual of closing, which honors the love that binds the family but also seeks to free the unhealthy bonds of those traumas. One might ask why we would want to look to the past to discover what is happening now. One important reason is for our physical health. These traumas can get trapped as energy, which can be held and felt in the body. Many people report experiencing a specific physical ailment afflicting them the day a loved one passed away, yet the pain never left. It is very common for our clients to seek counseling for an unexplained physical symptom that doctors can’t find the origin of or the cure for. Another reason to explore the past is when we see ourselves repeating unhealthy or unhelpful behaviors that hold us back in relationship or in career success. Whatever the reason we have to question things, there are often answers for those who are willing to seek them with an open mind. New frontiers of research and discovery of what we are capable of knowing is evolving in the same way nature evolves. But the takeaway from this month’s theme on family is really more of a question: If family mattered then—hundreds of years ago—and still holds the power to shape our lives today, how can we become more instrumental in creating a positive impact and legacy for the generations to come?

Some journeys call us back to places we’ve never left—ancestral lands, inner landscapes, and truths buried deep in the bones. My path through Family Constellation work has been just that kind of journey: one of remembering, of witnessing, and of gently returning to what was once left behind. Born in Japan, I have long carried an awareness of the unseen. Not in a mystical or esoteric way, but through the quiet, grounded rituals of daily life. We bow before ancestral altars, light incense without needing to speak, and visit family graves not just out of tradition, but from a felt sense of connection. There is a sacredness in the way the past is held—not spoken of explicitly but never forgotten. These cultural roots deeply inform how I experience Family Constellation work. Developed by Bert Hellinger, this method reveals the unseen dynamics that flow through family systems—grief, exclusion, unresolved trauma, and inherited burdens. In constellation sessions, whether in group or one-on-one settings, we step into a “field,” where representatives embody family members or inner parts. Through this embodied, intuitive process, the hidden architecture of our family system becomes visible—and with that visibility, profound healing becomes possible. While my Japanese heritage first shaped my understanding of connection and remembrance, my journey deepened even further beyond my homeland, in Bhutan. This quietly radiant Himalayan kingdom opened something even deeper within me. I have been blessed to visit Bhutan twice, each time stepping into a different layer of the same sacred story. The land, the people, the pace of life—it all invites a slowing down, a softening, a return. On my most recent visit, I had the rare opportunity to spend time with a Rinpoche—a recognized reincarnation of a spiritual master. In Bhutan, lineage is not just remembered; it is lived. The presence of a Rinpoche is a living thread, an unbroken chain of wisdom, devotion, and service stretching across lifetimes. His way of being seemed to dissolve time, as though past, present, and future coexisted within his gaze. In Bhutan, lineage is embodied—in rituals, in relationships, in the reverence shown to teachers and ancestors alike. Being in his presence reminded me that healing is not just personal. It is ancestral. It is collective. And it is sacred. Everywhere in Bhutan, remembrance breathes. Ancestors are honored in every household, invoked in rituals, prayers, and daily life. The landscape is dotted with chortens, monasteries, and prayer flags—reminders that spirit is not separate from the world. In this reverence, I found the essence of Family Constellation. Healing does not begin with fixing the self; it begins with remembering where we come from, and who still walks with us. Clients often come into constellation work feeling stuck, burdened by emotions or patterns they cannot explain. They might say, “This doesn’t feel like mine,” and they’re often right. We carry the echoes of those who were silenced, excluded, or forgotten—whether a grandfather’s unspoken grief, a mother’s unacknowledged loss, or a sibling who died young and was never mentioned again. These hidden stories live on in us—until they are seen, acknowledged, and allowed to rest. Family Constellation does not ask us to relive the past. It asks us to see it. To feel what was not allowed, to restore the natural order within the family system. When that happens, something powerful shifts. Love flows more freely. The body softens. The soul exhales. Bhutan taught me again and again that healing is about realigning with our truth—with our place in the greater web of life. It is about honoring, not clinging; about bowing, not judging. And that bow is everything in constellation work. When we bow to what was—no matter how painful—we no longer have to carry it unconsciously. We are freed to live our own lives, rooted in love rather than in loyalty to pain. My second journey to Bhutan deepened this understanding. Where the first visit was filled with awe and discovery, the second brought stillness and depth. I listened not with my ears, but with my heart. I noticed how my breath slowed, how my thoughts softened, how the mountains spoke—not in words, but in silence. That silence mirrors the constellation field—a vast, spacious place where stories reveal themselves without force. Healing arises not from doing, but from presence. From listening. From remembering. Today, as a constellation facilitator, I carry these experiences within me: the quiet strength of my Japanese lineage, the sacred wisdom of Bhutan, and the blessing of time spent with a teacher whose life reflects the living thread of transmission. I no longer see Family Constellation as simply a therapeutic method. It is a sacred remembering. A bow to the ancestors. A return to belonging. And perhaps that is what we are all seeking—not answers, but connection. Not perfection, but presence. Not escape, but a return to wholeness. In this remembering, we come home—not just to ourselves, but to our roots. We are not separate from those who came before us. We are not alone in our struggles. And we are never truly lost—only waiting to remember where we come from. Just as families carry invisible threads of connection, so too do organizations and communities. The principles of Family Constellation extend into the wider systems we are part of—the places where we bring our gifts into the world. In the corporate realm, unseen dynamics often shape what flourishes and what falters. By honoring hidden loyalties, acknowledging forgotten contributions, and restoring the natural order within systems, we create spaces where not just individuals, but entire organizations can move forward with greater clarity, integrity, and life force. To find out more about Family & Systemic Constellation, contact : info@counselingperspective.com

ADHD isn’t just something that hyperactive little boys have, and it certainly doesn’t disappear when you grow up. For many women, ADHD remains undiagnosed for decades, leading to overwhelm, self-doubt, and frustration. When motherhood enters the mix, these feelings become even more intense—bringing a daily battle with organization, emotional regulation, and the never-ending mental load. If you’re an adult woman with ADHD and also a mum, you are not alone. I see you, and I understand the challenges firsthand. Diagnosed at 35, I know what it’s like to spend years feeling like I struggled to do the most simple of things that other mums breezed through—only to later realize that ADHD had been running the show all along. But once you understand your ADHD, you can work with it—instead of it ruling you. I’ve made it my mission to help women reclaim control over their lives. Through my Balance Quest ADHD Screening & Symptom Management Programme, I guide women just like you in overcoming obstacles and finding strategies that actually work. The Hidden Struggles of Late Diagnosis ADHD in women is often misunderstood or dismissed. Many of us grow up being told we’re just "scatterbrained," "too sensitive," or "lazy"—when in reality, we’ve been living with a neurodevelopmental condition that impacts focus, emotional regulation, and executive function. It’s no surprise that many women don’t get diagnosed until their 30s, 40s, or even later. We spend years masking our struggles, trying to keep up, and wondering why everything feels so much harder than it seems for everyone else. Common Signs of ADHD in Women: • Constantly feeling overwhelmed by daily responsibilities • Difficulty keeping up with schedules, appointments, or deadlines • Struggling with emotional regulation—frequent frustration, anxiety, or low self-esteem • Forgetting things (even important ones) or losing track of time • Being disorganized, despite trying countless planners and systems • Feeling like you’re "always behind" or "never doing enough" Does this sound familiar? You are not broken. Your brain just works differently—and that’s okay. The Invisible Struggles of Motherhood with ADHD If managing ADHD is already overwhelming, motherhood can make this 10X more challenging. The constant demands, unpredictable routines, and 24-7 caring for children can leave ADHD mums exhausted, overstimulated, and feeling like they’re a failure. Here’s how ADHD can impact motherhood: 1. Debilitating Overwhelm Juggling school schedules, meal planning, and managing the household, the never-ending to-do list can feel absolutely impossible to keep up with. ADHD mums often struggle with procrastination and forgetfulness, making keeping on top of things so much harder. 2. Mum Guilt and Staying Calm in Chaos ADHD affects our impulse control and emotional regulation, meaning that irritability, frustration, or overstimulation can hit really hard—especially when kids demand constant attention. Most ADHD mums feel guilty for snapping at their children or struggling to be patient 3. Sticking To Daily Routines Planning ahead, following schedules, and staying organized? Easier said than done. Many ADHD mums really struggle with executive function, making ‘simple’ daily tasks like packing lunches, remembering school events, or sticking to a structured routine feel like an uphill battle. 4. When You Doubt Yourself Many ADHD women have spent their lives masking their symptoms, trying to "keep up" with neurotypical expectations. This can lead to crippling self-doubt and perfectionism, making us feel like we’re constantly falling short as mothers. 5. It Can Become TOO MUCH The constant noise, touch, and chaos of parenting can be overwhelming for ADHD brains, leading to sensory overload, stress, and emotional exhaustion. This can make it difficult to be present, patient, and engaged. Struggling doesn’t mean failing. ADHD mums are some of the most creative, compassionate, and resilient women I know. With the right support and strategies, you can turn ADHD challenges into strengths. How Therapy & The Balance Quest Programme Can Help : I created Balance Quest ADHD Screening & Symptom Management Programme because I know how life-changing it is to finally understand your ADHD and develop strategies that actually work. It’s not about fixing yourself—it’s about working with your brain, not against it. Here’s how we can help: 🔹 Understanding ADHD in Women Every woman’s ADHD experience is completely unique. In personalized sessions, we explore how ADHD affects your daily life and develop strategies tailored to your specific challenges. 🔹 Time Management & Organization We’ll work together to create realistic, ADHD-friendly routines and strategies that help you prioritize, structure, and actually follow through on tasks. No more trying to fit into neurotypical systems that don’t work for you! 🔹 Emotional Regulation & Stress Management Learning to manage frustration, anxiety, and mom guilt is key. We’ll use practical techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and breathwork to help you navigate emotions with more ease. 🔹 Self-Esteem & Confidence Building Years of undiagnosed ADHD can leave women with a damaged sense of self-worth. Therapy can help you reframe negative self-talk, recognize your strengths, and develop self-compassion. 🔹 Career & Work-Life Balance ADHD can make workplace challenges feel overwhelming. We help women advocate for accommodations, improve focus, and develop productivity strategies that actually workwith an ADHD brain. 🔹 Relationships & Communication ADHD can impact personal and professional relationships. Therapy provides tools for setting boundaries, improving communication, and deepening connections with partners, family, and friends. 🔹 Self-Care & Burnout Prevention Many ADHD women struggle with all-or-nothing thinking around self-care. We focus on realistic, sustainable self-care strategies that fit into your life without feeling like another overwhelming to-do. Through one-on-one therapy, ADHD coaching, and structured support programs, we provide the tools you need to take control of your ADHD and build a life that actually worksfor you. You Are Not Failing If you’ve spent years struggling, questioning yourself, or feeling like you’re constantly falling short—please know this: You are not failing. You are not broken. You are simply a woman with ADHD who deserves support and strategies that work for YOU. Being a mum with ADHD is challenging, but you’re also a mum with tons of creativity, love, and resilience. With the right tools, you can learn to manage overwhelm and create a fulfilling life. If you’re ready to take the next step, I’m here to help. Whether you’re newly diagnosed, suspect you have ADHD, or simply want to learn strategies to feel more in control of your life, let’s work together. 📌 Book a session with me at Counselling Perspective (in-person or online) and start your Balance Quest today. 🌟 You don’t have to figure this out alone—because ADHD women deserve support, understanding, and the chance to thrive. For more information: info@counselingperspective.com

Women’s Day is more than a celebration, it’s an opportunity to rethink women’s major health concerns: stress, one of the leading causes of health issues. It’s a chance to reflect on healthier ways to cope with it. As women, how many times have you felt challenged by stress? The kind that follows you through the day and keeps you up at night, tightening your chest as you mentally replay overwhelming worries? Despite considerable advances, significant gaps remain in our acknowledgement of stress related to gendered caring roles. While stress is universal, we know that women and men experience it in very different ways. Women are more likely to feel overwhelmed and exhausted by stress. We also know that women are exposed to chronic stress than men. Why it is so? The silent burden of women When it comes to women and stress, the answer to this question partly lies in social constructs, role prescription and emotional labor. Although stress is an unavoidable part of life, for women; it often comes in layers: Being a devoted mother, a family caregiver, a loving and supportive wife, and a successful career woman while maintaining social expectations in terms of beauty, fitness, ageing, and emotional support can beoverwhelming. This, is the invisible burden that women disproportionally carry and that contributes to the strain many women feel daily. As a result, women often internalize stress by developing perfectionist tendencies as a way to cope with the pressure of juggling multiple roles. This situation is further intensified by the disconnection between what’s expected of women and what is it, really, to be a women in today’s world. This snowballing effect leads women to put more pressure on themselves trying to solve this complex equation, relentlessly willing to close the gap between social expectations and reality of womanhood. As a therapist, I have encountered many women facing stressful events struggling with self-defeating beliefs such as “I fail if I can’t do it all” , “ I should stay strong for everyone” or "I should be able to handle everything on my own" . Those thoughts are deeply ingrained in women’s minds and they often reinforce guilt, emotional suppression, and perfectionism;making stress even more overwhelming. What are the causes of women stress? The main identified causes of stress are professional life, financial problems, couple life, and health issues. However, the reality of women balancing multiple roles across professional, personal, and social spheres intensifies stress and exhaustion as they navigate conflicting demands. Here are common sources of stress for women: Work-related stress: In the workplace, women's stress often arises from unexpected sources. On the top of their duties as professionals’, women are expected to demonstrate greater empathy, patience, and emotional control. The glass ceiling and gender biases create additional pressure by imposing higher expectations on women. Maintaining work-life balance also remains a constant source of stress. “Super-women” syndrome: Women often face a “second shift,” balancing professional and domestic responsibilities, which significantly increases stress. Managing schedules, tracking household tasks, and remembering key dates add to their mental load. Parenting further amplifies this stress, as societal expectations and the "Perfect Mother" myth set unattainable standards. Many women feel compelled to meet these ideals, often at the cost of their own well-being. Women face immense pressure to excel in multiple roles at once. This relentless demand fosters resentment, fatigue, and stress, particularly when their efforts go unrecognized. Love & Load: As a couple therapist, I experienced several key stressors that women face in their relationships. Traditional gender norms still expect women to prioritize their relationships and family over personal needs. A women may not engage in pursuing her career, stepping up the laddersfearing relationship strain. The struggle to balance self-identity and relationship expectations, combined with guilt and self-doubt when prioritizing personal goals, often creates internal conflict and increased stress for women. How do we react to stress? While short term stress can be a source of motivation, chronic stress gradually depletes mental, emotional, and physical health. Chronic stress impacts all aspects of well-being: psychologically, it leads to emotional exhaustion and low self-esteem; emotionally, it causes breakdowns and burnout; physically, it weakens immunity and increases health risks; and behaviorally, it fosters withdrawal and maladaptive coping. Early intervention is key to preventing long-term harm. How to better cope with stress? International Women’s Day is an opportunity to pause and reflect on better ways to manage stress through healthy and adaptive coping strategies that enhance women’ quality of life and overall well-being. Here are some healthy strategies to relate to: 1. Separate the Stress from the stressor When experiencing stress, it is important to separate stress from the stressor. Stress is your body’s physiological response that follows a cycle with a beginning, middle, and an end;while the stressor is the external trigger. You don’t have to fix your problem to release stress. Even if the stressor (work deadlines, family conflicts or couple issues) is still present, you can release stress physically and emotionally through simple actions like: deep breathing, crying or sharing a warm hug with a loved one. Visualization can be a powerful tool. Closing your eyes and picturing a safe, comforting space helps your body process stress, relax and reset. 2. Be friend with stress When we experience stress our body respond in different ways, each of them shaping the way we cope with our challenges. Fight Mode: Reacting with frustration, defensiveness, or aggression. Instead of lashing out, try to pause before reacting and reset your response through deep breathing. Flight Mode: Feeling overwhelmed and wanting to withdraw. Try to regain a sense of control by breaking challenges into small, manageable and controllable steps. Befriend Mode: Research shows that this strategy leads to better outcome. Women tend to embrace stress by seeking support rather than fighting or fleeing. They often turn to connection, sharing their worries with their loved ones, which helps regulate the nervous system and alleviate stress. Recognizing different coping mechanisms allows us to adopt a more constructive approach to managing stress and its triggers. 3. Stress as a lever not a threat Instead of seeing stress as a threat, reframe your mindset: Stress is just your body’s reaction to any change that requires an adjustment or a response. Stress prepares you to face your challenge. Instead of seeing stress as a threat, making peace with it allows us to harness its energy, its motivational force, build resilience, and navigate our challenges with greater response. When your heart races, when anxiety increases just think: “My body is just giving me a motivational force to overcome my challenge” or “How can I use this force for good to mitigate my worries?”. Shifting our perspective to see stress as a positive force fosters resilience, turning challenges into opportunities. Trusting our ability to adapt is key. 4. Reframing, Is the glass half-full or half-empty? When worries pile up, stress takes control. That’s the moment to pause and reframe. Ask yourself, “Is the glass half-full or half-empty?” Shift from “I’ll never get through this” to “I’ll take it one step at a time.” Try changing your perspective, identify one potential benefit in the challenge, recall past moments when you successfully managed stress, or focus on a small, actionable step within your control. Reframing is essential because stress has an impact on our cognitive flexibility, it narrows our thinking, distorts our perspective, and makes challenges feel bigger than they are. Remember, you’re doing your best, and that’s enough! 5. Resonance as a stress relief To relentless pressure, we, women need to find our own deep connection to the world to healthily cope with stress. Hartmut Rosa's concept of “Resonance” emphasizes shifting from control to meaningful connection whether in relationships, work, nature, or creativity fostering deeper connection, well-being, and a more fulfilling way of experiencing life. Instead of viewing life as a checklist of tasks, a relentless pursuit of perfection and performance, or a constant drive for efficiency, we should focus on experiencing life purposefully. Rather than seeking validation, we need to connect with what truly matters. Instead of feeling trapped by expectations, we should embrace being fully present in the moment and finding joy in the “here” and “now”. Constantly reminding ourselves that our worth is not defined by external standards. Many activities can help us engage in a form of “Resonance” to ourselves and to the world, including yoga, sound healing, meditation, and gratitude practices. Keeping in mind that true support for women stress comes from all genders, including men, in a shared commitment to balance, equity, and well-being.

Perimenopause is something that’s rarely talked about and even less understood. This is the time in a woman's life BEFORE Menopause (defined as the cessation of menstruation for at least 12 months), and this is actually when most of the big changes are happening. Even more surprising? That most women over 35 are already in perimenopause, even if they don’t show significant symptoms, this coincides with a woman's drop in fertility. Perimenopause isn’t just about hot flashes and irregular periods. It’s a deeply personal transformation that can shake your confidence, impact your relationships, and make you question your sense of self. I know this not just as a psychotherapist but also as a yoga master, health coach, and the creator of YogaPause (and author of best-selling book by the same name)—a method I developed after years of working with women navigating this life stage.  I’ve spent over two decades guiding women through transitions, and I’m currently writing my research thesis on self-esteem and relationships in women aged 40-55. I see more clearly than ever how perimenopause can challenge our identity. The good news is that you don’t have to go through it alone. Therapy can help you navigate the changes, build your confidence and reframe what you want from life going forward. How Getting Older Affects Your Self-Esteem Perimenopause has a sneaky way of making us question ourselves. It stirs up emotions, shifts our bodies in ways we don’t always recognize, and brings up thoughts like: Who am I now? Do I still matter? What the hell am I going to do with my life now? Here are some of the things that could be chipping away at your self-esteem: 1. Your Body Doesn’t Look The Same Suddenly, the body you’ve known for decades starts to feel foreign. Weight gain, bloating, thinning hair, dry skin—these changes can make you feel very self-conscious. Many of us look in the mirror and don’t recognize ourselves, we’re self-critical and insecure. 2. Brain Fog Ever walked into a room and forgotten why? Or struggled to remember someone’s name mid-conversation? Perimenopause can bring cognitive shifts that leave us feeling less than sharp and doubting our abilities. When you start second-guessing yourself, your confidence takes a big hit. 3. Emotional Sensitivity and Self-Doubt Mood swings, irritability, and feeling emotionally raw are all common. One moment, you feel fine; the next, you're in tears over an advert with an injured hedgehog. When your emotions become unpredictable, it’s easy to start doubting yourself and feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough.” 4. Women Are Supposed To Be Young FOREVER Society isn’t always kind to women over 40. From media to workplace biases, we get messages that our worth diminishes with age. Many women struggle with feeling invisible, less desirable, or irrelevant—especially in their careers and relationships. This Is How Perimenopause Can Impact Your Relationships: When our self-esteem starts to waver, our relationships feel the strain. I see this time and again in the women I work with. They tell me: I don’t feel connected to my partner anymore. I feel lonely, even when I’m surrounded by people. Here’s some of the ways perimenopause could be affecting your relationships: 1. You’re Pulling Away From Your Partner If you’re feeling low about yourself, it’s easy to pull away—emotionally and physically. Changes in your libido, body image worries, and mood fluctuations can lead to less intimacy and more misunderstandings. 2. Your Grumpy and Irrational Hormonal changes can make emotions feel bigger than normal: Think PMS on Steroids. Small things that never bothered you before suddenly feel overwhelming. If you find yourself snapping at loved ones or feeling unheard, you’re not alone and it’s normal. 3. You Feel Alone In This Many women say, No one understands what I’m going through. This feeling can lead to withdrawing from social circles, avoiding deep conversations, or even drifting away from close friends. Perimenopause is REAL and big and challenging and you need to be supported by other women who understand and can relate. 4. Changing Family Roles At this stage of life, many of us are also dealing with our kids growing up and leaving home, ageing parents, or career transitions. All of these stressors can add to feelings of overwhelm, and lack of purpose or sense of self, making it even harder to prioritize relationships. How Therapy Can Help You Figure Out Who You Are AndWhat You Want From Life 40+ Here’s something I want every woman to hear: You are not losing yourself. You are evolving.Therapy can help you navigate this transition with self-compassion, clarity, and confidence. 40+ can be the best stage of your life - you just need to approach it in the right way. 1. It Can Help You Rebuild Your Self-Esteem Therapy helps you challenge the negative self-talk that can come with ageing. It’s about shifting the focus from what’s changing to what’s still strong within you - or better yet, what’s STRONGER. Learning to redefine beauty, value, and self-worth is an essential part of this process. 2. Understanding and Managing Your Emotions Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and breathwork can be powerful tools for managing hormonal mood swings, anxiety, and self-doubt. In my practice, I often integrate yoga and breathwork and nutrition alongside psychotherapy to help women create a mind-body connection that fosters emotional balance. A full life approach is the most effective way to move forward into this next life stage. 3. Strengthening Your Relationships Does your marriage have a whole new range of issues? Feeling disconnected from friends? Therapy can help you identify how your self-esteem impacts your relationships and help you communicate what you need and how you’re feeling with confidence. 4. Accepting Your Changing Body Instead of seeing physical changes as losses, therapy can help shift the narrative to self-acceptance. My YogaPause method combines gentle movement, breathwork, and mindfulness to reconnect women with their bodies in a way that feels empowering rather than defeating. Building physical strength and mental resilience are an essential part of the journey. 5. Finding a New Sense of Purpose Perimenopause isn’t an ending—it’s also a beginning. Many women feel lost in this transition, but therapy can help them rediscover passions, set new goals, and redefine what fulfillment looks like in this next chapter. This can absolutely be the best time of your life. You Deserve Support Perimenopause is more than a biological transition—it’s an emotional, psychological, and deeply personal one. It can feel overwhelming, but help is available. Therapy provides a space to rediscover yourself, strengthen your relationships, and step into this new life phase with confidence. If you’re feeling lost, struggling with self-esteem, or noticing strain in your relationships, reach out. You are not alone.

At 17, one of my teachers told me I was dyslexic and that I needed to “work extra hard” to succeed. At 33, an educational psychologist officially diagnosed me with broad dyslexia (Reading Comprehension Impairment) and visual-spatial reasoning difficulties. However, the true turning point in my journey came at 37 when I was diagnosed with ADHD. It was a moment of clarity that reframed decades of self-doubt and burnout. Burnout and the Breaking Point The tipping point came when I experienced severe burnout at work. I’ve always taken immense pride in my career, pouring my passion into creating opportunities and fostering growth for others. As an HR professional working for one of the most purposeful organizations, I was determined to give my best. But no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t shake the relentless feeling that I was falling short or that I wasn’t good enough.This internal battle slowly eroded my confidence until I found myself doubting my ability to perform even the simplest tasks. It felt like the harder I tried, the further behind I fell. The burnout, however, wasn’t just about work. It was the culmination of years of unprocessed emotions, cultural pressures, and the invisible toll of undiagnosed ADHD. For so long, I had been carrying an emotional and mental weight that I didn’t even realize was there. I was trying to meet impossible standards, juggling conflicting cultural expectations, and masking my struggles -including myself - would see how overwhelmed I truly was. Growing up as a Japanese woman, the cultural pressure to conform was ever-present. The phrase “the nail that sticks out gets hammered” (出る釘は打たれる) loomed large in my life, discouraging individuality and emphasizing the importance of fitting in. This cultural backdrop made navigating hidden disabilities like dyslexia, ADHD, and autism particularly isolating. In many Asian communities, neurodivergence is often misunderstood or seen as something to be “fixed.” Statements like “you just need to work harder” or dismissals of struggles as “bad parenting” are common and contribute to the stigma surrounding mental health. These deep-seated beliefs made seeking support feel daunting and, at times, even shameful. Meeting Mia: The Power of Relatability in Therapy In the depths of my burnout, I reached out to Dr. Glenn Graves, my former therapist in Singapore, who referred me to Mia Makino, a Japanese American therapist. From our very first session, I felt an immediate connection with Mia. She didn’t just listen; she truly understood. She recognized the cultural nuances of being Japanese and bicultural, as well as the complexities of navigating the duality between two distinct cultural frameworks. I did not expect how transformative this sense of relatability would be. Mia’s unique perspective allowed her to address not only the symptoms of my ADHD and burnout but also the deeply rooted cultural stigmas and self-doubt that has been holding me back for so long. Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), she helped me unpack years of internalized shame and perfectionism - traits so often reinforced by societal expectations in Japan. Mia’s approach to therapy wasn’t just about the symptoms; it was about empowering me to embrace who I am. She helped me see that my ADHD and dyslexia were not weaknesses but parts of me that could be understood, managed, and even celebrated. Her guidance gave me permission to stop fighting so hard to fit into a mold that was never meant for me. Sharing My Story to Empower Others Seeking therapy and working with someone who truly understood both my neurodivergence and my cultural identity was one of the most pivotal decisions of my life. It gave me the tools to heal, the courage to embrace my authentic self, and the clarity to redefine my path. By sharing my story, I hope to encourage others to seek support and break free from the stigma surrounding mental health and neurodivergence. Diagnoses like ADHD are not limitations; they are opportunities to better understand ourselves and to create lives that align with our strengths and needs. For anyone navigating similar challenges—whether cultural, neurodivergent, or both—know that you are not alone. The right support, whether through therapy, coaching, or community, can make a world of difference. And remember, the journey toward self-compassion begins with the courage to embrace who you are, unapologetically and wholeheartedly. A New Chapter: From Healing to Advocacy Thanks to Mia’s support, I’m now transitioning into a new chapter of my life. I’m designing training programs and workshops for HR professionals and leaders in Asia to help break the stigma surrounding neurodivergence. My mission is to create workplaces that are inclusive, supportive, and free from discrimination—environments where people can thrive regardless of their differences. I’m also pursuing certifications as an ADHD and executive coach to support individuals who may feel isolated or misunderstood. I want to be an advocate for those struggling in silence, helping them find their voice, their confidence, and their potential. For so long, I believed that being the “nail that sticks out” was a flaw. But now, I see it as a strength. Every challenge I’ve faced has brought me closer to understanding who I am. And in that understanding, I’ve found not only healing but also purpose—the opportunity to help others embrace their own journeys and create a world where the invisible becomes invincible. Satomi Ogata https://www.linkedin.com/in/satomi-beyondbias/

In the journey of life, interpersonal relationships play a fundamental role. From a Reiki perspective, these connections are not just human encounters but profound opportunities for spiritual growth, energy exchange, and mutual healing.  Universal Energy and Relationships Reiki is based on the idea that everything in the universe is connected through universal energy. Every relationship we form—whether with family, friends, colleagues, or partners—is influenced by the flow of this energy. When our energies are balanced and flow harmoniously, our interactions also tend to be more positive and enriching. However, when our energies are imbalanced, conflicts, misunderstandings, and tensions may arise. Reiki teaches us that by healing and balancing our internal energy, we can also improve our external relationships. The Importance of Self-Healing Working with Reiki begins with oneself. Before attempting to heal or improve a relationship, it is essential to look inward and ask: What aspects of my energy need attention? Am I projecting insecurities, fears, or resentments onto my relationships? Through self-healing, we can balance energy, foster self-love, and strengthen our ability to establish healthy boundaries. This creates a solid foundation for interacting with others from a place of integrity and authenticity. Healing Relationships Through Reiki Reiki offers tools to heal relationships on an energetic level: 1. Sending Energy to Relationships: Using the distance healing technique, practitioners can direct positive energy toward a specific relationship. This does not mean controlling or manipulating the situation but sending intentions of peace, harmony, and mutual understanding. 2. Energy Cleansing: Relationships can accumulate dense energy due to conflicts or past experiences. Reiki can help release these burdens, allowing for a fresh start. 3. Chakra balance: Each relationship may be associated with one or more energy centres (chakras). For instance, communication conflicts may relate to the throat chakra, while trust issues may link to the heart chakra. Working on these centres can unblock and restore harmony. Daily Practices to Foster Healthy Relationships In addition to specific Reiki techniques, we can incorporate habits into our daily lives to nurture our relationships: · Practicing Gratitude: Recognizing and appreciating the blessings each relationship brings, even in challenges. · Meditating for Empathy: Using guided Reiki meditations to develop a deeper understanding of others' emotions and perspectives. · Setting Clear Intentions: Before interacting with someone, we can set a positive intention, such as fostering peace or strengthening mutual understanding. Unconditional Love as a Guide One of the fundamental principles of Reiki is unconditional love. This concept invites us to accept others as they are, without judgment or attempts to change them. In relationships, this means offering support, respect, and understanding, even when facing differences. Reiki reminds us that every person we encounter is a reflection of ourselves. By honouring this connection, we can transform our relationships into sacred spaces of learning and evolution. Conclusion From a Reiki perspective, interpersonal relationships are more than mere interactions; they are an exchange of energy and an opportunity for healing and growth. By working on our internal energy, we can create a positive impact on our relationships and experience deeper, more harmonious, and meaningful connections. This inner work also extends outward, promoting collective healing and nurturing a greater sense of unconditional love and compassion in the world

Your partner forgets to text you back after a long day, and you think, "They don’t care about me." Or they casually mention plans with friends that don’t include you, and you wonder, "Am I not important to them anymore?" These passing negative thoughts may seem trivial, but they reflect deeper narratives we unconsciously construct about our partners and relationships. In relationships, the way we think about our partners and their actions matters deeply. As relationships evolve, we develop beliefs about our partners and the relationship. These beliefs shape how we feel, act and respond to them. As a couple therapist , I have witnessed how it is often not the events themselves that drive disconnection, but the interpretations and narratives we attach to them. Relationships get strained by negative thought patterns because these hidden beliefs about our partners and their actions silently erode connection and fuel resentment. However, a simple shift in mindset can improve the quality of your relationship. The Cycle of Negative Perception We often assume that our perceptions of reality are objective. However, our minds act as powerful filters, shaping how we interpret our partner's words and actions. For instance, if you believe, “They don’t care about me,” a forgotten text message might feel like proof of neglect. On the other hand, if you think, “They’re doing the best they can,” the same situation might seem like a genuine oversight which is understandable. These thoughts set the emotional tone for your relationship, influencing how you feel during moments of connection or tension. Small disappointments or unmet needs that go unaddressed can gradually shift your perspective, leading you to interpret interactions through a lens of frustration or resentment. This process can be driven by cognitive biases which are mental shortcuts that help us process information quickly, but they can also distort reality in ways that harm relationships. Here are some common thought patterns that I often see in couples: Confirmation bias Selectively focus on evidence that confirms our existing beliefs, ignoring anything that contradicts them. If you believe your partner is inconsiderate, you'll likely notice every instance of forgetfulness while overlooking their thoughtful gestures. Black-and-white thinking Seeing things as either all good or all bad, such as “They never listen to me” or “They’re always selfish.” This mindset prevents you from seeing the complexities in your partner’s behavior and stops you from appreciating the shades of gray in their actions. Personalization Interpreting your partner’s actions as a direct reflection of their feelings toward you. For example, when they’re late, you might think, “They don’t respect my time,” instead of considering that they could be dealing with an unexpected situation. Mind reading Assuming you know your partner’s thoughts or intentions without asking or clarifying. If they don’t initiate physical affection, you may think, “They’re not attracted to me anymore,” when they may simply be tired or dealing with stress. Catastrophizing Jumping to the worst possible conclusion, such as thinking, “This argument means we’re heading for a breakup,” instead of seeing it as a normal part of any relationship. Negative filtering Focusing only on your partner’s flaws while disregarding their positive qualities. For example, after a few instances of your partner being late, you may start seeing them as unreliable, ignoring all the times they’ve been on time. Ways to Reset Your Mindset Changing entrenched thought patterns isn't about ignoring or avoiding important issues. It's about cultivating a more mindful and intentional approach to your relationship. Negative thoughts can quickly escalate emotions, leading to impulsive reactions that hurt the relationship. A mindset reset helps you assess the situation more objectively respond more thoughtfully. Here are some strategies to break free from the negative thought patterns. Cultivate gratitude Instead of focusing on what's wrong, consciously seek out moments of kindness, no matter how small. Appreciate the thoughtful gestures your partner makes. Recognizing these efforts reinforces the positive in your relationship, helping you see your partner in a more favorable light. Challenge your assumptions The next time a negative thought arises, pause and challenge it. Ask yourself, "Is there another way to interpret this?" Instead of defaulting to "They’re not prioritizing me," try reframing it as "They’re just overwhelmed with deadlines right now." This shift in perspective can defuse unnecessary tension and foster a deeper understanding between you and your partner. Seek clarification, not conclusions Instead of jumping to conclusions based on a fleeting moment, engage in conversation. For example, say, “I noticed you seemed quiet earlier. Would you like to talk about it? Asking questions shows genuine interest in your partner’s feelings and prevents misunderstandings. Embrace a growth mindset See challenges as opportunities for growth, not signs of incompatibility. When conflicts arise, view them as chances to improve your communication and problem-solving skills together. A growth mindset allows you to navigate difficulties as a team, strengthening your bond and building mutual support. Assume positive intent Start from a place of trust. Believe your partner cares about you and is doing their best. Even when things don’t go perfectly, choosing to assume positive intent softens the impact of misunderstandings. This mindset fosters patience, understanding, and deeper trust between you and your partner. When to seek help Sometimes, deeply ingrained thought patterns are challenging to shift on your own. Therapy provides a safe space to explore the root causes of these patterns, understand how they affect your relationship, and learn tools to address them. By recognizing and challenging unhelpful thought patterns, we can create space for mutual empathy, understanding, and respect. These changes don’t happen overnight, but with patience and intentionality, even small mindset shifts can lead to profound transformations.