The seeds we sow: A therapist's gratitude

Esther Oon-Bybjerg

There's a quiet magic that unfolds within the walls of a therapy room. It's a space where vulnerability finds sanctuary, where broken pieces find solace, and where, like a gardener nurturing a seed, a therapist witnesses the extraordinary potential held within each client. Today, I want to share a story that fills my heart with a profound sense of gratitude - a story about transformation and the courage to chase dreams.


Meet Sarah (name changed for privacy). When Sarah first walked into the office, her eyes held a deep well of uncertainty. She had recently undergone a major medical treatment, and the after-effects were more than just physical. Sarah felt lost, her sense of purpose and direction stolen by the illness. Her spirit, once radiant and vivacious, now seemed to retreat behind a wall of unworthiness and invisibility.

“I feel like a minion,” she confessed, her voice barely a whisper. “I don’t know what to do with myself.” The fear in her eyes mirrored the fear so many of us grapple with - the fear of the unknown, the fear of failure, the fear of not being enough.

Our sessions became a safe haven where Sarah could explore these fears without judgment. Together, we embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing. Through the gentle art of cognitive reframing, emotional regulation and grounding exercises, she learned to anchor herself in the present moment, finding solace in the stillness that lay within.


Therapy was more than just navigating the shadows; it was also about rediscovering the light within. We started to unearth Sarah's forgotten talents and passions, hidden beneath the dust of self-doubt. One seemingly ordinary detail emerged during a session: her homebaked crackers, the family favorites that were relished at every gathering. Despite the consistent praise for their flavour, Sarah dismissed the possibility of turning them into a business. "But who would buy them?" she'd say, a question laced with insecurity. Yet, a flicker of hope remained – a hesitant "maybe" that hinted at a buried dream.


That "maybe" became the seed we nurtured. Here, my role as a therapist extended beyond simply providing tools and techniques. I became Sarah's cheerleader, her fervent supporter. When her inner critic, that harsh and belittling voice, grew loud, I helped her persevere. Through cognitive behavioural and emotional efficacy therapy, we learned to quiet the negativity and amplify the voice of encouragement within. It's a common battleground within many clients' minds - a tussle between the daunting inner critic and the soft whispers of a nurturing, supportive voice. We therapists become skilled listeners, attuned to these internal conversations, and empower our clients to shift their mindsets.

With gentle guidance, we brainstormed ideas and faced down the inevitable "what ifs?" In her kitchen, Sarah poured her heart and soul into perfecting her recipes, refusing to settle for anything less than excellence. Each batch of her homemade delights was a labor of love, a testament to her dedication and unwavering commitment to her craft. Through word-of-mouth, orders started pouring in.

And then, today, Sarah walked into the office and held out a small brown paper bag. "These are for you," she said, her voice brimming with a mix of pride and apprehension.


Inside were a handwritten note and her artisanal crackers. The aroma of freshly baked crackers filled the room as I eagerly opened the packet. Each bite offered a delightful contrast of textures, the flavors of olive oil and rosemary dancing on my palate.

More than just delicious, these crackers were a testament to Sarah's journey. They were a tangible manifestation of her resilience, creativity, perseverance and courage to chase her dreams.


We therapists don't offer magic solutions. What we offer is a space for growth, a supportive hand to hold, a gentle nudge in the right direction, and the belief in the potential that resides within each person. Being a therapist comes with the privilege of witnessing the human spirit in all its complexity – the vulnerability, the strength, the resilience. It's about planting seeds of hope, nurturing them with empathy and compassion, and seeing them blossom into something extraordinary.


And sometimes, those extraordinary outcomes come in the form of the most delicious crackers you've ever tasted. Today, I savor them, not just for their flavor, but as a symbol of the human spirit's inherent power to rise, to create, and to thrive.

[Published with Client’s permission]

Tools to Foster Better Family Relationships

By Claudette Jordan • May 3, 2025
Family plays a significant role in mental health. Healthy family relationships are characterised by emotionally available, understanding and supportive connections – a safe space where one can feel a sense of love, acceptance and belonging. This way of relating helps to foster emotional intelligence including a greater awareness and understanding of and ability to communicate about of oneself, emotions, as well as the capacity to show empathy for others. Learning from other family members’ skills and behaviours help to build one’s own coping resources. Having strong and consistent emotional support also facilitates resilience building – learning to face and deal with life challenges. Ongoing conflict or a hostile environment in a family, instability and lack of feeling accepted and understood can have the opposite, negative impact on mental well-being. Whilst adults can also be affected by a challenging family environment, resulting in increased stress, anxiety and depression, children are the most vulnerable in these circumstances and their distress may be expressed in indirect ways such as regression in behaviour, academic difficulties, trouble with sleep, irritable mood, fear, sadness and lack of interest in activities etc. Here are some key tools to foster better family relationships: Prioritize open communication – make regular time to check in with each other by asking open ended questions such as “What was the highlight of your day?”, “What are you enjoying/finding most challenging about school right now?” Practice active listening, that is, listening to understand not to respond. Hold a posture of curiosity rather than judgement being keen to learn more about the other person’s perspective rather than being quick to offer your own opinions. Create a safe and supportive environment – let family members know that it is acceptable to talk about any and all topics without fear. Allow space for feelings to be expressed and build trust through affirmation and validation. Criticism or dismissing emotions leads to a breach of trust and safety. Have fun together – engaging in activities that are enjoyable or trying new experiences together help to build positive connections. Try a family activity jar where everyone puts in suggestions and each family member gets to a turn to pick an option out of the jar. Model healthy coping – ensure that adults demonstrate healthy ways of managing stress, emotions and relationship challenges such as physical movement, relaxation, mindfulness techniques. Children learn what they observe. Ensure healthy lifestyle practices such as adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, and limited screen time. Lifestyle routines go a long way towards regulating emotions, mood and behaviour and set a stable foundation for optimal mental health. If you are struggling with ongoing family challenges, consider family therapy. It can be a helpful step to facilitate better communication, resolve conflicts and address unhealthy relationship dynamics. For more information and guidance, you can reach out to Claudette Jordan at info@counselingperspective.com

Family Matters

By Glenn Graves • May 3, 2025
We all know the term ‘family matters’, which has direct and indirect interpretations, but who knew that long term impact of that phrase and that family, as in our ancestral lineage going back generations, can have direct impact on the current lives we are living and impacting our relationships in the now. Some would disagree but scientists studying epigenetics and/or transgenerational trauma are finding reason to believe the children and grandchildren of the holocaust survivors, for example, can exhibit symptoms similar to PTSD. The premise is that trauma can be passed through genetic, environmental, social avenues, and the family mythology, even two generations later. It is often recognized in a subtle or profound ways, which can show up in our inherent attitudes or personalities traits or in our unconscious thoughts and behaviors and limiting beliefs. Personal Mythology is one of the ways we explore these realms, by exploring the narratives that shape our lives and guide our decisions. Sometimes these mythologies are a powerful force driving a person into a successful life. Often these stories are outdated and unnecessary to carrying forward into the next generations. Family Constellations is another approach to uncovering these outdated patters and poltergeists from the past. It was created by Bert Hellinger and seeks to recognize ancestral trauma, through the patterns or obstacles which are showing up in the current life experience. The goal is to resolve those old conflicts and wounds of the past through a loving and purposeful ritual of closing, which honors the love that binds the family but also seeks to free the unhealthy bonds of those traumas. One might ask why we would want to look to the past to discover what is happening now. One important reason is for our physical health. These traumas can get trapped as energy, which can be held and felt in the body. Many people report experiencing a specific physical ailment afflicting them the day a loved one passed away, yet the pain never left. It is very common for our clients to seek counseling for an unexplained physical symptom that doctors can’t find the origin of or the cure for. Another reason to explore the past is when we see ourselves repeating unhealthy or unhelpful behaviors that hold us back in relationship or in career success. Whatever the reason we have to question things, there are often answers for those who are willing to seek them with an open mind. New frontiers of research and discovery of what we are capable of knowing is evolving in the same way nature evolves. But the takeaway from this month’s theme on family is really more of a question: If family mattered then—hundreds of years ago—and still holds the power to shape our lives today, how can we become more instrumental in creating a positive impact and legacy for the generations to come?

The Field of Belonging: Family Constellation and the Wisdom of Lineage

By Aki Tsukui • May 3, 2025
Some journeys call us back to places we’ve never left—ancestral lands, inner landscapes, and truths buried deep in the bones. My path through Family Constellation work has been just that kind of journey: one of remembering, of witnessing, and of gently returning to what was once left behind. Born in Japan, I have long carried an awareness of the unseen. Not in a mystical or esoteric way, but through the quiet, grounded rituals of daily life. We bow before ancestral altars, light incense without needing to speak, and visit family graves not just out of tradition, but from a felt sense of connection. There is a sacredness in the way the past is held—not spoken of explicitly but never forgotten. These cultural roots deeply inform how I experience Family Constellation work. Developed by Bert Hellinger, this method reveals the unseen dynamics that flow through family systems—grief, exclusion, unresolved trauma, and inherited burdens. In constellation sessions, whether in group or one-on-one settings, we step into a “field,” where representatives embody family members or inner parts. Through this embodied, intuitive process, the hidden architecture of our family system becomes visible—and with that visibility, profound healing becomes possible. While my Japanese heritage first shaped my understanding of connection and remembrance, my journey deepened even further beyond my homeland, in Bhutan. This quietly radiant Himalayan kingdom opened something even deeper within me. I have been blessed to visit Bhutan twice, each time stepping into a different layer of the same sacred story. The land, the people, the pace of life—it all invites a slowing down, a softening, a return. On my most recent visit, I had the rare opportunity to spend time with a Rinpoche—a recognized reincarnation of a spiritual master. In Bhutan, lineage is not just remembered; it is lived. The presence of a Rinpoche is a living thread, an unbroken chain of wisdom, devotion, and service stretching across lifetimes. His way of being seemed to dissolve time, as though past, present, and future coexisted within his gaze. In Bhutan, lineage is embodied—in rituals, in relationships, in the reverence shown to teachers and ancestors alike. Being in his presence reminded me that healing is not just personal. It is ancestral. It is collective. And it is sacred. Everywhere in Bhutan, remembrance breathes. Ancestors are honored in every household, invoked in rituals, prayers, and daily life. The landscape is dotted with chortens, monasteries, and prayer flags—reminders that spirit is not separate from the world. In this reverence, I found the essence of Family Constellation. Healing does not begin with fixing the self; it begins with remembering where we come from, and who still walks with us. Clients often come into constellation work feeling stuck, burdened by emotions or patterns they cannot explain. They might say, “This doesn’t feel like mine,” and they’re often right. We carry the echoes of those who were silenced, excluded, or forgotten—whether a grandfather’s unspoken grief, a mother’s unacknowledged loss, or a sibling who died young and was never mentioned again. These hidden stories live on in us—until they are seen, acknowledged, and allowed to rest. Family Constellation does not ask us to relive the past. It asks us to see it. To feel what was not allowed, to restore the natural order within the family system. When that happens, something powerful shifts. Love flows more freely. The body softens. The soul exhales. Bhutan taught me again and again that healing is about realigning with our truth—with our place in the greater web of life. It is about honoring, not clinging; about bowing, not judging. And that bow is everything in constellation work. When we bow to what was—no matter how painful—we no longer have to carry it unconsciously. We are freed to live our own lives, rooted in love rather than in loyalty to pain. My second journey to Bhutan deepened this understanding. Where the first visit was filled with awe and discovery, the second brought stillness and depth. I listened not with my ears, but with my heart. I noticed how my breath slowed, how my thoughts softened, how the mountains spoke—not in words, but in silence. That silence mirrors the constellation field—a vast, spacious place where stories reveal themselves without force. Healing arises not from doing, but from presence. From listening. From remembering. Today, as a constellation facilitator, I carry these experiences within me: the quiet strength of my Japanese lineage, the sacred wisdom of Bhutan, and the blessing of time spent with a teacher whose life reflects the living thread of transmission. I no longer see Family Constellation as simply a therapeutic method. It is a sacred remembering. A bow to the ancestors. A return to belonging. And perhaps that is what we are all seeking—not answers, but connection. Not perfection, but presence. Not escape, but a return to wholeness. In this remembering, we come home—not just to ourselves, but to our roots. We are not separate from those who came before us. We are not alone in our struggles. And we are never truly lost—only waiting to remember where we come from. Just as families carry invisible threads of connection, so too do organizations and communities. The principles of Family Constellation extend into the wider systems we are part of—the places where we bring our gifts into the world. In the corporate realm, unseen dynamics often shape what flourishes and what falters. By honoring hidden loyalties, acknowledging forgotten contributions, and restoring the natural order within systems, we create spaces where not just individuals, but entire organizations can move forward with greater clarity, integrity, and life force. To find out more about Family & Systemic Constellation, contact : info@counselingperspective.com