How to Reconnect and Rekindle Romance with Your Partner

Dr. Glenn Graves, PhD



I often hear my clients saying how they caught up with an old friend they hadn’t talked to in years and it was like “no time had passed”. I have experienced the same and it amazes me how the beauty of old friendships can be preserved over time.


I have reflected on this time of Covid-19, and how this pandemic is impacting the community and in particular, couples. It strikes me that many of my marriage counselling clients, prior to Covid-19, would describe their partner with a melancholic meandering, as the old friend they once had, who is now more like a stranger or even antagonist at times. They feel alone in the marriage and household, struggling with time management and work life balance and the majority complain about the lack of time with their kids or spouse, or more importantly their self. Then came Covid-19 and suddenly the Universe granted everyone’s wish, Right? Sadly this has caused great challenge for these partnered strangers now being housebound and “imprisoned” in the same shelter.


I believe in the art of reframe and tend to see this situation as a new opportunity for what Esther Perel calls mating in captivity. It is my deepest wish that all couple’s whether you are housebound together or apart, attempt to reframe this situation to take advantage of this rare opportunity. I know this is easier said than done and suddenly being thrust into a house with a veritable stranger is daunting, but this stranger is only a stranger because one or both let things drift. This person who you met at the pub or church or at a friend’s house party, or at work, used to ignite something in you. This person took your attention and became a priority, at least for a while, until the marriage ceremony or move in was complete. It is easy for couples to drift, especially after kids are brought into their worlds, but the majority of that original person (focus of your desire) is still intact and still there, just more shell shocked perhaps.


The good news is most relationships can be considered organic in the notion that growth comes from nurturing. If you were seeking enlightenment, you might spend more time in focused meditation or chanting mantras, if you wanted a deeper walk in your spiritual world you would spend more time in study, or deep contemplation and reverent honoring of the belief system. Why can’t we apply the same to relationships? If we allow the dynamic to become two people in a power play for the household, we can imagine where that will end up. This is especially the case, if one has been typically running the show already. So let’s step back and re-invest in the before-kids-vision of the couple’s relationship, when you could laugh and dream, and were constantly pursuing affection with the other. Trust me, the kids want this atmosphere as well.


The miscommunications, attitudes, and hurtful acts which have occurred in the ensuing years and which have created this vast divide, were just part of an unhealthy intimacy. It’s not your fault. Nobody explained how to handle the first 10 years of marriage and kids. This circuit breaker is meant to power down the old energy source. It’s meant to create a pause, and repair, then force a reboot to the system, bringing new energy and new charge!


Here are some ideas I would like all couples of Covid-19 to explore during circuit breaker: 


Partner A: You were a hunter for your partner once. In that state of want and pursuit, you were incredibly creative. Remember? You were gallant and chivalrous and adventurous and expressive, and romantic and very clever when planning your seduction. Now is your chance to bring that back. If you can’t be inspired by your partner because too much drifting has taken place, then let it be an exercise towards “enlightenment”. Take the first steps without knowing what will come of it, but knowing what you want to come of it. Or do it for the pure fun of being creative, in a way that benefits your partner.


  • If you are in the house together or if circuit breaker has you apart, look around the house. Be MacGyver for a moment. What furnishings, foods, toys, could help you create a spontaneous and romantic getaway, while in the same house. A staycation at home so to speak. Perhaps pick a place you have always wanted to travel to together and create it. A trip around the world can be brought to the living room through YouTube HD drone videos of most countries of the world, cuisine of any country can be made in your kitchen or ordered in. Costumes or local flair is easy to find in your closet when you really need to impress her. Additional props are strewn throughout the house from those souvenirs and trinkets you picked up and always wondered how you would use them.

Partner B, when we look at the 5 love languages the majority of the men I’ve met would say that Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch are their preferred ways of receiving love. So at least express one of these during this housebound era.


  • Create an authentic way to offer affirmation. Choose three things you like about your partner and offer this observation or insight with them. Even if it’s what John Gottman calls Positivity in Conflict, find a way to praise. This is when you would say what is good about this thing you want changed. For example, “Honey, I can overhear how amazing you are with your colleagues. You are so patient and kind when you are handling challenges with them, and I can imagine how much they all respect you”. I don’t feel the same kind of kind energy from you when we face challenges recently. What do you think is interfering with us? The tone you use to deliver this has to be sincere. Try to choose a positive statement that you actually believe and deliver the conflict part of the statement in the same genuine tone, so it won’t come across as sarcasm or condescending.


  • *This might seem like a passive way to seduce your partner but trust me, men have natural desires and in most cases are just trying to clear the obstacles to fulfilling that desire. If they feel undervalued or even worse, irrelevant, this is an obstacle.


For both partners, take responsibility for the relationship with this other human being. This person had dreams and hopes before meeting you. They had loving family who want the best for them. This dreamer is still alive and trying to live a life of value without getting lost in the process. Help them find their way, as you had promised once. 


  • Both parties can consider what lifts their spirits or builds on their resources. Make a list and see which areas match. Maybe it’s a music genre you both love, or a faith/practice (religion, yoga, meditation, etc.) you have been wanting to explore, then plan the activity together. These are all available online. Remember the things that can hurt us like sexual disconnection, value conflicts, can also be re-aligned and bring intimacy. Even financial re-visioning can bring a form of intimacy as it links directly to safety and security and shared dreaming. 


  • Massage is another I highly recommend especially because social physical connection is the one thing we are all craving the most at a time like this. A sensual massage conveys attraction, care, desire and is ultimately a very loving act in itself. Obviously both parties can offer this to the other. This is the most direct way of nurturing the organic love. 


Remember, if we are creating safety, investing in trust building behaviors, and offering adventures in our sincere pursuit of each other, the rest should flow naturally. The suggestion above are not intended to imply you should return to your partner, as a representative from the past (the old you). It is okay that you have evolved and changed, but let this new situation bring a new conversation with an old friend. Take time to get to know this person you chose so many years ago. The ideas above are just a few ways to kickstart the new adventure. This global social distancing initiative is a beautiful and very rare opportunity to revisit and reconnect with your old friend and life partner. Move away from melancholy towards magic moments in the present, while creating new memories for the future.


Carpe Diem!


About the Author: Dr. Glenn Graves is an American psychologist who has lived and worked in Asia since 2004. The founder and director of Counseling Perspective, Glenn has nearly two decades of experience in providing counselling support to local and expatriate individuals, couples, and families in Singapore. His specialities include child counselling and trauma recovery. Read Full Bio >

The Quiet Struggle Many Women Carry: When Friendship Doesn’t Feel Like Home

By Aki Tsukui Director of Wellness - Leadership & Systemic Coach, Transformational Facilitator • April 30, 2026
In my recent work, I’ve begun to notice a pattern. Many women across different stages of life are quietly struggling. Not with something obvious, but with something much harder to name. Friendship. On the surface, life looks full. There are social circles, dinners, invitations, people to message on a Friday night. There is connection. And yet, beneath that, there is a quiet, persistent feeling: Something doesn’t feel quite right. The Reality Beneath Connection So many friendships begin through circumstance. We meet people through work, shared environments, mutual communities, or simply being in the same phase of life. And naturally, connection forms. These relationships can be warm, supportive, and genuinely meaningful. They often arrive at a time when we need them most: when life is shifting, when we are finding our footing, when we don’t want to feel alone. But there is something many women don’t say out loud: Some friendships are built on situation, not alignment. And over time, that difference begins to surface, not as conflict, but as a quiet undercurrent. The Discomfort That’s Hard to Explain What I hear from female clients is rarely dramatic. It’s the sense of not being fully themselves. Of subtly managing energy instead of simply being. Of leaving an interaction feeling slightly drained, without knowing why. Nothing is obviously wrong. No one has done anything hurtful. In fact, these friendships often include kind, thoughtful people who have shared important moments with us. Which is exactly why it’s so confusing. Because when nothing is broken, it becomes harder to trust the feeling that something isn’t quite right. When Gratitude Silences Truth Many women carry a deep sense of appreciation for the people in their lives. These friendships may have supported them through transitions, offered belonging, or simply been there when it mattered. So, when discomfort arises, it is often softened: I should be grateful. Maybe I’m overthinking this. But gratitude and misalignment can exist at the same time. You can value what a friendship has given you and still feel that it no longer reflects who you are becoming. The Quiet Cost Because there is no clear reason to question the relationship, the adjustment often happens internally. It looks like small things: holding back certain thoughts, avoiding deeper conversations, feeling slightly “on” instead of at ease. Even a quiet sense of relief when plans fall through. Individually, these moments seem insignificant. But over time, they create distance, not from others, but from yourself. Why We Stay Friendships are rarely just about one person. They are intertwined with shared circles, familiar routines, and a sense of belonging that extends beyond a single connection. Which is why stepping back can feel so much bigger than it seems. There is also the quiet weight of beginning again. Building new connections asks for openness. Letting go, even with care, asks for truth. And so, many women stay, not because it feels right, but because it feels easier than facing what change might require. The Quiet Turning Point And yet, something begins to shift. Not suddenly, but gradually. A quiet awareness surfaces: I don’t think I can keep showing up like this. This isn’t about blame or judgment. It’s about noticing yourself more honestly. Where you feel open, and where you feel restricted. Where connection flows, and where it feels effortful. Redefining Connection The shift doesn’t need to be dramatic. It often begins in small, almost invisible ways. Speaking a little more honestly. Setting a gentle boundary. Choosing where you place your time and energy with greater intention. And slowly, things begin to change. Some friendships deepen because they can meet you there. Some soften into something lighter. Some quietly fall away. A Different Kind of Belonging What many women are truly longing for is not more connection, but more alignment within connection. Not just people to spend time with, but spaces where they can exhale. Where nothing needs to be filtered. Where they can be fully themselves without effort, without adjustment. If this resonates, you are not alone. This is not about being ungrateful or difficult. It is about becoming more attuned to yourself, your energy, and your truth. And often, that awareness begins quietly in the middle of a conversation, after a dinner or even in a feeling you can’t quite explain. The question is not, Are these the right friends? But: Where do I feel most like myself and am I allowing myself to move closer to that? Because true belonging isn’t created by proximity. It’s created in the moments where you no longer feel the need to edit who you are and realise you don’t have to leave parts of yourself behind to be accepted. And if something in you is beginning to notice this quietly, gently, it may be worth giving it space. Not to rush into change, but to listen more closely to yourself and to what more aligned, honest connection might begin to look like in your life.

Friendship sits at the core of a meaningful life - it’s not just a “nice to have,” it’s essential

By Nick Jonsson – Supervised Counselor and Executive Coach • April 30, 2026
Friendship sits at the core of a meaningful life - it’s not just a “nice to have,” it’s essential  Over the years, I’ve done a lot of work on myself, and that has naturally changed how I show up in my friendships. In the past, I might have been more focused on what I could get from relationships. Today, it’s very different. Now, it’s about being of service. It’s about being present, listening deeply, and showing up consistently for the people who matter. For me, being a good friend means being there not only in the good times, but especially when someone is struggling. It means putting the phone away, giving full attention, and truly hearing what’s being said - and sometimes what’s not being said. This is something I also bring into my coaching and therapy work. I often ask clients to reflect on their friendships - how healthy they are, where they feel supported, and where things may be broken. Because the truth is, we cannot go through life carrying unresolved friendships. If something is broken, we need to take responsibility, make amends, and do the work to make it right. There’s powerful research from Dr. Robert Waldinger that shows how critical relationships are to our wellbeing. In fact, a lack of meaningful connection has been compared to smoking 14 cigarettes a day. That’s how serious this is. So friendship is not just about connection - it’s about health, longevity, and the quality of our lives. Today, I focus on a small circle of real, authentic relationships. People I can be honest with. People who hold me accountable. People I can support, and who support me in return. At the end of the day, it’s simple - be the friend you wish you had. Show up. Listen. Care. And when something is broken, have the courage to fix it.

The Beauty and Complexity of Family: Healing the Flow of Love

By Aki Tsukui (Leadership & Systemic Coach) • April 2, 2026
Family is often where love begins. It is our first experience of connection, belonging, and identity. Within the family system, we learn how to give and receive love, how to relate to others, and how to see ourselves in the world. At its best, family can be a place of deep nourishment: a source of strength, safety, and unconditional support. And yet, for many of us, family can also feel complicated. There may be moments of tension that seem disproportionate, patterns that repeat across generations, or emotional burdens that are difficult to explain. We may find ourselves reacting in ways we don’t fully understand, feeling responsible for others in ways that feel heavy, or struggling to step into our own lives freely. This is because family is not just about the people we see. It is also about the invisible threads that connect us across generations. The Hidden Dynamics of Family  Every family system carries a history. Alongside love, there may also be unresolved grief, unspoken pain, losses that were never fully processed, and experiences that were too overwhelming to be integrated at the time. These experiences do not simply disappear. Instead, they often live on within the system, quietly shaping the dynamics of future generations. This can show up as what we call entanglements—where one family member, often unconsciously, carries emotions, roles, or burdens that do not fully belong to them. For example, a child may feel an unexplained sadness that mirrors a grandparent’s unresolved grief. Someone may take on the role of “holding the family together,” even at the expense of their own well-being. Others may struggle with relationships, self-worth, or a sense of belonging, without understanding the deeper roots of these experiences. These patterns are not signs that something is “wrong” with us. Rather, they reflect a deep loyalty to our family system. At an unconscious level, there is often a desire to remain connected, to belong, to honor those who came before us, and to ensure that no one in the system is forgotten. The Flow of Love In family constellation work, there is a concept known as the flow of love. Love, in its natural state, flows from those who came before to those who come after: from parents to children, and from ancestors to descendants. When this flow is unobstructed, it supports a sense of grounding, vitality, and ease. We feel supported by what came before us, while being free to move forward into our own lives. However, when there are disruptions, such as trauma, exclusion, or unresolved events, the flow of love can become blocked or distorted. For example: When a child feels the need to care for a parent emotionally, the natural order is reversed. When a family member is excluded or not acknowledged, others in the system may unconsciously “represent” them. When trauma is not processed, its emotional imprint may be carried by future generations. These disruptions are not caused by a lack of love. In fact, they are often expressions of love: just in forms that have become entangled. Understanding Intergenerational Trauma What we often refer to as “intergenerational trauma” is the transmission of emotional experiences, survival patterns, and coping mechanisms across generations. This can include: Loss and grief that were never fully expressed War, displacement, or migration experiences Family secrets or hidden histories Patterns of abandonment, rejection, or emotional absence Survival strategies that once served a purpose but are no longer needed These experiences can shape how individuals relate to themselves and others, often outside of conscious awareness. It is important to approach this with compassion. Our ancestors did the best they could with the resources they had. Many carried burdens that were too great to process at the time. What we experience today is often a continuation of those unfinished stories, not as a burden to blame, but as an invitation to bring awareness and healing. Family Constellation: Bringing the Invisible to Light Family constellation work offers a powerful way to explore these hidden dynamics. Through this approach, individuals are able to “map” their family system and observe the relationships, patterns, and entanglements that may be present. What is often revealed is not just personal, but systemic showing how individual experiences are connected to a larger family context. Another important principle in this work is that everyone belongs. This includes not only those we know and remember, but also those who may have been forgotten, excluded, or never spoken about—such as miscarried or aborted children, former partners, or family members who experienced difficult fates. Even if their stories were hidden or unknown, they remain part of the family system. When someone is excluded, the system often seeks balance by unconsciously including them through another member. Gently acknowledging and giving each person their rightful place allows the system to settle, restoring a deeper sense of harmony and connection. One of the most profound aspects of this work is that it allows what has been unseen to be acknowledged. When forgotten or excluded members are recognized, when grief is given space, and when each person is seen in their rightful place within the system, something begins to shift. The system moves toward balance. The flow of love is restored, not by changing the past, but by relating to it differently. Returning What Is Not Ours A key part of healing within the family system is learning to gently release what does not belong to us. This does not mean rejecting our family or disconnecting from our roots. Rather, it is about honoring our connection while allowing each person to carry their own experiences. This can look like: Recognizing when we are holding emotions that may not fully be ours Releasing the need to fix or carry others Acknowledging our parents and ancestors as they are, without needing them to be different Taking our place as the next generation, receiving life and moving forward There is a quiet strength in this process. It allows us to remain connected, while also reclaiming our own path. The Possibility of Healing Healing within the family system does not require perfection. It begins with awareness. As we become more conscious of the patterns we carry, we create space for choice. We are no longer moving purely from inherited dynamics: we are able to respond with intention, presence, and clarity. This is where transformation happens. When we restore the natural flow of love, we not only support our own well-being. We also create a shift for future generations. The patterns that once repeated can begin to soften. The burdens that were once carried can be laid down. In this way, healing is both personal and collective. Honoring Where We Come From Family is not always simple. It can be a place of great beauty and deep challenge. It can hold both love and pain, connection and complexity. To truly engage with family is to embrace both aspects: to honor the love that exists, while also acknowledging the parts that are difficult. When we do this with openness and compassion, we create the possibility for something new. We begin to relate to our family not just from habit or conditioning, but from awareness. And from this place, love can flow more freely supporting us as we step into our own lives, while staying rooted in where we come from. There is a quiet wisdom within every family system, always moving toward balance and wholeness. When we are willing to turn toward what has been unseen with openness and respect, healing begins to unfold in its own time and way. As the flow of love is restored, we find ourselves both deeply rooted and gently freed: able to walk forward in life supported by those who came before us, rather than bound by what was left unresolved. For those who feel called to explore this work more deeply, we offer Family Constellation sessions in a variety of formats, including in-person and online, as well as individual and group settings, creating safe and supportive spaces for this gentle yet powerful process of healing and reconnection.