Love, Sex, and Relationships in Therapy: A Holistic Approach

Cheryl MacDonald

As a therapist and tantric practitioner, I've learned that when people come to discuss their relationships, they're often bringing layers of complex emotions and unmet needs. Over the years, I've seen how love, sex, and relationships are so deeply interconnected that you can't address one without impacting the others. Whether you're working on relationship issues alone or with your partner, considering all three together can be the key to significant change.

In therapy, treating these aspects as a whole is where the real transformation happens. It's not about fixing what's broken; it's about helping you create a life and relationship that feel fulfilling, both emotionally and physically.

Why Love, Sex, and Relationships Must Be Treated As A Whole

Emotional and Physical Intimacy

One couple I worked with felt stuck in their relationship. What seemed like communication issues was actually an emotional disconnection directly tied to their lack of physical intimacy. One partner felt shut out emotionally, and as a result, the other was pulling away sexually because he didn't know how to express his feelings. Addressing both their emotional and physical intimacy together led to real shifts in their relationship.

Sexual Health and Relationship Satisfaction

Clients often think their sexual struggles are purely physical, but these issues usually point to something deeper. I worked with a couple whose physical relationship had fizzled out over the years. Avoiding the topic entirely, they didn't realize that the emotional disconnect was affecting their sexual health. Bringing their sexual well-being into the conversation revealed unmet needs, allowing them to rebuild that aspect of their relationship.

Individual Growth vs. Couple Dynamics

Individual growth is just as important as relationship growth. Many clients come to work on their relationship as an individual. Thai could be because their partner doesn’t want to come to therapy; it’s something they can’t or don’t want to discuss with their partner or they’re recovering from divorce or a break up and want to get rid of unhealthy relationship patterns. One client of mine kept attracting the same types of men, which ultimately led to her having negative experiences. Through therapy, she realized her relationship with love and sex had been shaped by unhealed early experiences. By focusing on her own personal healing, she was able to have healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

The Benefits of Holistic Therapy for Love, Sex, and Relationships

Integrative Therapy Approaches

Training in Dr. Tammy Nelson's integrative approach, which treats emotional and sexual intimacy together, has shown me how sexual challenges often mirror our emotional struggles. I worked with a couple married for nearly 20 years who loved each other but the physical spark had gone. It was so important to explore both the emotional and physical aspects of their relationship, and this helped them rebuild intimacy from the inside out.

The Role of Tantra in Strengthening Bonds

Tantra is an invaluable tool for couples looking to reconnect on a deeper level. When people hear the word ‘Tantra’ they immediately think about sex, but there is so much more to it than that.Tantra is actually a spiritual practice that aims to integrate the body, mind, and spirit and includes a range of teachings, meditation and rituals. I remember working with one couple, who felt like they’d lost the closeness they once had after years of marriage. They weren’t sure how to get it back, and the pressure to “fix” their sex life felt overwhelming. I introduced them to some simple Tantra-inspired exercises — not focusing on sex itself, but on breathing together and being fully present with each other. Using small, intentional practices can help couples to find their way back to intimacy. It wasn’t magic; it was simple mindfulness.

Working On Yourself NOT Just Your Relationship

One client loved her partner deeply but felt her own needs were constantly on the backburner. Through therapy, she realized that being in a relationship didn't have to mean neglecting herself. We explored her desires, her personal boundaries, and the importance of loving herself as an individual, which ultimately strengthened her relationship. She found that attending to her own needs made her feel more balanced and was better able to be there for her partner.

How Therapy Can Help Individuals Address Love and Sexuality

Unpacking Your Personal Beliefs About Love and Sex

We all have core beliefs about love and sex, often stemming from our upbringing. One of my clients grew up in a strict household where sex was never discussed and surrounded by shame. As an adult, he struggled to enjoy sex due to this subconscious guilt. In therapy, we unpacked these core beliefs, where they came from and allowed him to question and rewrite these narratives. This shift opened up new possibilities for intimacy in his relationship.

Healing Sexual Trauma and Shame

Sexual trauma can have profound effects on relationships, and it's something I approach with great care. One client that I worked with experienced trauma in her teens had never felt comfortable discussing it. In therapy, we worked through her deep-seated feelings of shame and fear, helping her reconnect with her body in a gentle, safe way using Somatic practices. Seeing her move toward self-acceptance and opening up to relationships and intimacy was very emotional.

Improving Self-Esteem and Sexual Confidence

For some clients, the root issue is a lack of confidence. One client came to me feeling self-conscious about her body and unsure how to communicate her desires. We focused on encouraging her to love her body and soul; and building her self-esteem and sexual confidence. Gradually, she began to see herself differently, becoming more confident not just in the bedroom but in every area of her life.

How Therapy Supports Couples in Navigating Love, Sex, and Relationships

Reigniting Desire

Dr. Nelson's practices for reigniting desire have been transformative for many of my clients. Couples often end up feeling like "roommates" rather than romantic partners. We start by helping them reconnect emotionally, then explore practical ways to reignite physical desire. It's about creating a safe space where desire can naturally revive, not about forcing intimacy.

Communicating Your Needs and Boundaries

Communication is everything in relationships, including discussions about sex. Many couples avoid these conversations for years. Therapy will provide a space to practice talking about needs and boundaries. Once they begin, couples often find their connection deepens in their everyday life in unexpected ways, because of that opening up and honesty.

Tantra-Inspired Practices for Connection

Sometimes, the simple practices create the most powerful changes. Incorporating Tantra-inspired exercises focusing on touch, breath, and presence can help to create a sense of closeness that couples may have thought was gone forever.

Why Address Love, Sex, and Relationships Holistically

Understanding that love, sex, and relationships are interconnected helps everything make more sense. Emotional disconnection can lead to physical distance and vice versa. Looking at the bigger picture rather than fixing one problem at a time allows for finding balance.

Our sexual well-being is closely tied to our emotional and physical health but often gets overlooked or ignored. Focusing on your sexual well-being can impact every area of your life. A healthy, fulfilling relationship—whether with yourself or a partner—is the foundation of a happier, more balanced life.

Integrative Therapy that addresses love, sex, and relationships holistically is where rea, sustainable change happens. By integrating techniques from various therapy styles or Tantra practices, you can create opportunities for lasting change—not just in your relationships but in every area of your life.

For more information, email: info@counselingperspective.com

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Finding a Therapist Who Truly Understands: The Power of Relatability in Therapy

By Satomi Ogata • February 1, 2025

At 17, one of my teachers told me I was dyslexic and that I needed to “work extra hard” to succeed. At 33, an educational psychologist officially diagnosed me with broad dyslexia (Reading Comprehension Impairment) and visual-spatial reasoning difficulties. However, the true turning point in my journey came at 37 when I was diagnosed with ADHD. It was a moment of clarity that reframed decades of self-doubt and burnout. Burnout and the Breaking Point The tipping point came when I experienced severe burnout at work. I’ve always taken immense pride in my career, pouring my passion into creating opportunities and fostering growth for others. As an HR professional working for one of the most purposeful organizations, I was determined to give my best. But no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t shake the relentless feeling that I was falling short or that I wasn’t good enough.This internal battle slowly eroded my confidence until I found myself doubting my ability to perform even the simplest tasks. It felt like the harder I tried, the further behind I fell. The burnout, however, wasn’t just about work. It was the culmination of years of unprocessed emotions, cultural pressures, and the invisible toll of undiagnosed ADHD. For so long, I had been carrying an emotional and mental weight that I didn’t even realize was there. I was trying to meet impossible standards, juggling conflicting cultural expectations, and masking my struggles -including myself - would see how overwhelmed I truly was. Growing up as a Japanese woman, the cultural pressure to conform was ever-present. The phrase “the nail that sticks out gets hammered” (出る釘は打たれる) loomed large in my life, discouraging individuality and emphasizing the importance of fitting in. This cultural backdrop made navigating hidden disabilities like dyslexia, ADHD, and autism particularly isolating. In many Asian communities, neurodivergence is often misunderstood or seen as something to be “fixed.” Statements like “you just need to work harder” or dismissals of struggles as “bad parenting” are common and contribute to the stigma surrounding mental health. These deep-seated beliefs made seeking support feel daunting and, at times, even shameful. Meeting Mia: The Power of Relatability in Therapy In the depths of my burnout, I reached out to Dr. Glenn Graves, my former therapist in Singapore, who referred me to Mia Makino, a Japanese American therapist. From our very first session, I felt an immediate connection with Mia. She didn’t just listen; she truly understood. She recognized the cultural nuances of being Japanese and bicultural, as well as the complexities of navigating the duality between two distinct cultural frameworks. I did not expect how transformative this sense of relatability would be. Mia’s unique perspective allowed her to address not only the symptoms of my ADHD and burnout but also the deeply rooted cultural stigmas and self-doubt that has been holding me back for so long. Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), she helped me unpack years of internalized shame and perfectionism - traits so often reinforced by societal expectations in Japan. Mia’s approach to therapy wasn’t just about the symptoms; it was about empowering me to embrace who I am. She helped me see that my ADHD and dyslexia were not weaknesses but parts of me that could be understood, managed, and even celebrated. Her guidance gave me permission to stop fighting so hard to fit into a mold that was never meant for me. Sharing My Story to Empower Others Seeking therapy and working with someone who truly understood both my neurodivergence and my cultural identity was one of the most pivotal decisions of my life. It gave me the tools to heal, the courage to embrace my authentic self, and the clarity to redefine my path. By sharing my story, I hope to encourage others to seek support and break free from the stigma surrounding mental health and neurodivergence. Diagnoses like ADHD are not limitations; they are opportunities to better understand ourselves and to create lives that align with our strengths and needs. For anyone navigating similar challenges—whether cultural, neurodivergent, or both—know that you are not alone. The right support, whether through therapy, coaching, or community, can make a world of difference. And remember, the journey toward self-compassion begins with the courage to embrace who you are, unapologetically and wholeheartedly. A New Chapter: From Healing to Advocacy Thanks to Mia’s support, I’m now transitioning into a new chapter of my life. I’m designing training programs and workshops for HR professionals and leaders in Asia to help break the stigma surrounding neurodivergence. My mission is to create workplaces that are inclusive, supportive, and free from discrimination—environments where people can thrive regardless of their differences. I’m also pursuing certifications as an ADHD and executive coach to support individuals who may feel isolated or misunderstood. I want to be an advocate for those struggling in silence, helping them find their voice, their confidence, and their potential. For so long, I believed that being the “nail that sticks out” was a flaw. But now, I see it as a strength. Every challenge I’ve faced has brought me closer to understanding who I am. And in that understanding, I’ve found not only healing but also purpose—the opportunity to help others embrace their own journeys and create a world where the invisible becomes invincible. Satomi Ogata https://www.linkedin.com/in/satomi-beyondbias/

Interpersonal Relationships from the Perspective of Reiki

By Mariangel Gonzalez • January 28, 2025

In the journey of life, interpersonal relationships play a fundamental role. From a Reiki perspective, these connections are not just human encounters but profound opportunities for spiritual growth, energy exchange, and mutual healing. Universal Energy and Relationships Reiki is based on the idea that everything in the universe is connected through universal energy. Every relationship we form—whether with family, friends, colleagues, or partners—is influenced by the flow of this energy. When our energies are balanced and flow harmoniously, our interactions also tend to be more positive and enriching. However, when our energies are imbalanced, conflicts, misunderstandings, and tensions may arise. Reiki teaches us that by healing and balancing our internal energy, we can also improve our external relationships. The Importance of Self-Healing Working with Reiki begins with oneself. Before attempting to heal or improve a relationship, it is essential to look inward and ask: What aspects of my energy need attention? Am I projecting insecurities, fears, or resentments onto my relationships? Through self-healing, we can balance energy, foster self-love, and strengthen our ability to establish healthy boundaries. This creates a solid foundation for interacting with others from a place of integrity and authenticity. Healing Relationships Through Reiki Reiki offers tools to heal relationships on an energetic level: 1. Sending Energy to Relationships: Using the distance healing technique, practitioners can direct positive energy toward a specific relationship. This does not mean controlling or manipulating the situation but sending intentions of peace, harmony, and mutual understanding. 2. Energy Cleansing: Relationships can accumulate dense energy due to conflicts or past experiences. Reiki can help release these burdens, allowing for a fresh start. 3. Chakra balance: Each relationship may be associated with one or more energy centres (chakras). For instance, communication conflicts may relate to the throat chakra, while trust issues may link to the heart chakra. Working on these centres can unblock and restore harmony. Daily Practices to Foster Healthy Relationships In addition to specific Reiki techniques, we can incorporate habits into our daily lives to nurture our relationships: · Practicing Gratitude: Recognizing and appreciating the blessings each relationship brings, even in challenges. · Meditating for Empathy: Using guided Reiki meditations to develop a deeper understanding of others' emotions and perspectives. · Setting Clear Intentions: Before interacting with someone, we can set a positive intention, such as fostering peace or strengthening mutual understanding. Unconditional Love as a Guide One of the fundamental principles of Reiki is unconditional love. This concept invites us to accept others as they are, without judgment or attempts to change them. In relationships, this means offering support, respect, and understanding, even when facing differences. Reiki reminds us that every person we encounter is a reflection of ourselves. By honouring this connection, we can transform our relationships into sacred spaces of learning and evolution. Conclusion From a Reiki perspective, interpersonal relationships are more than mere interactions; they are an exchange of energy and an opportunity for healing and growth. By working on our internal energy, we can create a positive impact on our relationships and experience deeper, more harmonious, and meaningful connections. This inner work also extends outward, promoting collective healing and nurturing a greater sense of unconditional love and compassion in the world

Is Your Relationship Due for a Mindset Reset?

By Esther Oon-Bybjerg • January 28, 2025

Your partner forgets to text you back after a long day, and you think, "They don’t care about me." Or they casually mention plans with friends that don’t include you, and you wonder, "Am I not important to them anymore?" These passing negative thoughts may seem trivial, but they reflect deeper narratives we unconsciously construct about our partners and relationships. In relationships, the way we think about our partners and their actions matters deeply. As relationships evolve, we develop beliefs about our partners and the relationship. These beliefs shape how we feel, act and respond to them. As a couple therapist, I have witnessed how it is often not the events themselves that drive disconnection, but the interpretations and narratives we attach to them. Relationships get strained by negative thought patterns because these hidden beliefs about our partners and their actions silently erode connection and fuel resentment. However, a simple shift in mindset can improve the quality of your relationship. The Cycle of Negative Perception We often assume that our perceptions of reality are objective. However, our minds act as powerful filters, shaping how we interpret our partner's words and actions. For instance, if you believe, “They don’t care about me,” a forgotten text message might feel like proof of neglect. On the other hand, if you think, “They’re doing the best they can,” the same situation might seem like a genuine oversight which is understandable. These thoughts set the emotional tone for your relationship, influencing how you feel during moments of connection or tension. Small disappointments or unmet needs that go unaddressed can gradually shift your perspective, leading you to interpret interactions through a lens of frustration or resentment. This process can be driven by cognitive biases which are mental shortcuts that help us process information quickly, but they can also distort reality in ways that harm relationships. Here are some common thought patterns that I often see in couples: Confirmation bias Selectively focus on evidence that confirms our existing beliefs, ignoring anything that contradicts them. If you believe your partner is inconsiderate, you'll likely notice every instance of forgetfulness while overlooking their thoughtful gestures. Black-and-white thinking Seeing things as either all good or all bad, such as “They never listen to me” or “They’re always selfish.” This mindset prevents you from seeing the complexities in your partner’s behavior and stops you from appreciating the shades of gray in their actions. Personalization Interpreting your partner’s actions as a direct reflection of their feelings toward you. For example, when they’re late, you might think, “They don’t respect my time,” instead of considering that they could be dealing with an unexpected situation. Mind reading Assuming you know your partner’s thoughts or intentions without asking or clarifying. If they don’t initiate physical affection, you may think, “They’re not attracted to me anymore,” when they may simply be tired or dealing with stress. Catastrophizing Jumping to the worst possible conclusion, such as thinking, “This argument means we’re heading for a breakup,” instead of seeing it as a normal part of any relationship. Negative filtering Focusing only on your partner’s flaws while disregarding their positive qualities. For example, after a few instances of your partner being late, you may start seeing them as unreliable, ignoring all the times they’ve been on time. Ways to Reset Your Mindset Changing entrenched thought patterns isn't about ignoring or avoiding important issues. It's about cultivating a more mindful and intentional approach to your relationship. Negative thoughts can quickly escalate emotions, leading to impulsive reactions that hurt the relationship. A mindset reset helps you assess the situation more objectively respond more thoughtfully. Here are some strategies to break free from the negative thought patterns. Cultivate gratitude Instead of focusing on what's wrong, consciously seek out moments of kindness, no matter how small. Appreciate the thoughtful gestures your partner makes. Recognizing these efforts reinforces the positive in your relationship, helping you see your partner in a more favorable light. Challenge your assumptions The next time a negative thought arises, pause and challenge it. Ask yourself, "Is there another way to interpret this?" Instead of defaulting to "They’re not prioritizing me," try reframing it as "They’re just overwhelmed with deadlines right now." This shift in perspective can defuse unnecessary tension and foster a deeper understanding between you and your partner. Seek clarification, not conclusions Instead of jumping to conclusions based on a fleeting moment, engage in conversation. For example, say, “I noticed you seemed quiet earlier. Would you like to talk about it? Asking questions shows genuine interest in your partner’s feelings and prevents misunderstandings. Embrace a growth mindset See challenges as opportunities for growth, not signs of incompatibility. When conflicts arise, view them as chances to improve your communication and problem-solving skills together. A growth mindset allows you to navigate difficulties as a team, strengthening your bond and building mutual support. Assume positive intent Start from a place of trust. Believe your partner cares about you and is doing their best. Even when things don’t go perfectly, choosing to assume positive intent softens the impact of misunderstandings. This mindset fosters patience, understanding, and deeper trust between you and your partner. When to seek help Sometimes, deeply ingrained thought patterns are challenging to shift on your own. Therapy provides a safe space to explore the root causes of these patterns, understand how they affect your relationship, and learn tools to address them. By recognizing and challenging unhelpful thought patterns, we can create space for mutual empathy, understanding, and respect. These changes don’t happen overnight, but with patience and intentionality, even small mindset shifts can lead to profound transformations.